Hump Day Humor: Plant-based Burger King Whopper should be a crime

“Yeah, but your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn’t stop to think if they should.” Jeff Goldblum as Dr Ian Malcolm in Jurrasic Park (1993).

This was a quote our friends at Burger King should have thought of before deciding to roll out their “Impossible Whopper” plant-based sandwich to the rest of the country (story HERE).

Are you kidding me? A whopper that is not made of flame-broiled beef? That’s not a Whopper. That is a misrepresentation. A crime.

If I asked for a whopper and someone put that in front of me, I would throw it at them.

A Whopper is a tribute to the cave persons back in the day. They burned animal flesh with fire and it was good.

This is made in a lab and processed. Burning plants? That’s no fun.

I love all of my fast food chains, and that includes Burger King. In fact “the king” was the premiere fast food chain on U.S Army installations. You could get a Whopper immediately after coming back from a field exercise or deployment. There are even Burger Kings in some forward locations.

This is nothing against my vegan or vegetarian friends. Much love and respect to you.

I also understand that this is a business and the growing vegan market can be lucrative. As long as the outcome is income. Right?

But couldn’t we call it something else?

How about the “Brontosaurus”? A mighty creature of it’s time which also likely condescended to it’s carnivorous friends. Imagine saying “I’m going to eat a Brontosaurus for lunch.” That’s powerful.

How about the “Ultimate”? Why is it ultimate? You tell me. And while you’re at it, tell me exactly what a plant-based burger is made of.

I found another article asking “When will the Big Mac Go Vegan”? (story HERE). Hopefully, never.

And Wendy’s. My fast food queen and founder of the “Baconator”. Never change. Like the poet, Bruno Mars, once sang, “I like you just the way you are.”

Or was that Billy Joel?

Burger King, there is still time to avoid this. Do the right thing.

It’s “the Home of the Whopper”, not the “Home of the plant-based money grab”.

This is what a real Whopper looks like and it’s made of beef

Frank Torres is a Pro Content Producer and Media Personality. When he’s not blogging, podcasting, or shooting videos on FTR he’s helping others grow their operations. He resides in Orlando, Florida and misses his time in the military everyday.

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