Nandor and Guillermo as a vampire in What We Do In The Shadows

What We Do In The Shadows: The Best Quotes from “Exit Interview”

Here we are at the end of another season of “What We Do In The Shadows” (teardrop).

Still, it’s been a fun season. Let’s enjoy this finale together.

Here are the best quotes from episode 10 of season 5 “Exit Interview”

(In a secretive trench coat disguise)
Nadja: “Sup b***”

Derek; “She told me her name was Detective Policeman”

(talking about Nandor)

Nadja: “Yeah, if you wrote him a suicide note. And actually followed through with it. That might cool him down.”

(On a stakeout)

Nandor the Relentless: “Night after night I hunt. I cannot rest until Guillermo has taken his last breath and I feel his bones crush under my boots. So, I have been watching the one place I know he will return to eventually…. Panera Bread. He can run. But he cannot run far. Because he has very short legs.”

(after being attacked by Nandor)

Patton Oswalt: “I”m not Guillermo! I’m not Guillermo! I’m Patton Oswalt. I’m an actor”
Nandor: “Pat-ton Oswalt.. An actor. Where would I know you from?”
Patton Oswalt: “I was in Rattatouile!”
Nandor: “Is that a movie?!”
Oswalt: “Yes. It was animated. I was the voice of a rat.”
Nandor; “I prefer live action. Do you know John Slattery?
Oswalt: “I know of him. I don’t know him personally. He seems really cool.”
Nandor: “He is.”
Oswalt: “I’m going to pass out.”

(re Guillermo)
Nandor: “Its only a matter of time when he returns to his Panera Bread. Like a gazelle to a watering hole. And I will strike.”

(at the motel)
Guillermo: “How did you find me?
Colin Robinson: “I just took a map of Staten Island and just hovered over a grid with an Arby’s, a party store, and a sweater shop.”
Guillermo: “I’m not near any of those things.”
Colin Robinson: “I know, so I just asked Nadja.”

Colin Robinson: (conducting exit interview) “I don’t want to take up much of your time. I know it’s valuable because there is not much of it left.”

(On the rooftop talking)
Nandor: “All that betray me must be destroyed.”
(kicks Patton Oswalt off the roof)
Nandor: “Goodbye Patton Oswalt.”

(Confronting Guillermo in his mom’s apartment)
Nandor: “My friend, Patton Oswalt. Passed away quite suddenly. And it didn’t feel good losing a friend.”

(Back at the house)
Nandor: I have news. I no longer plan on killing Guillermo
The group: “Yayyyyy!”
Nandor: “He will live here in this house. As an equal. As a vampire.”
Nadja: “Boooo.”

Guillermo: “I’m a vampire!!!”
Colin Robinson: “One sip of blood and he’s like Cornholio over here.”

(at a slaughter)
Colin Robinson (energy draining) “What’s the fastest way to become a billionaire. Become a millionaire and buy a winery.”

(after summoning the genie only to discover he’s out of wishes and orders the genie back)
Nandor: “I wish I could help you.”
The genie: “That’s very funny.”
Nandor: “Get in the f***** lamp.”

(at the ceremony)
Guillermo: “Derek is here?”
Nandor; “Yes. F***** guy. But the ritual dictates he must be present.”

Nandor: “You want to be a human. We’re gonna make that happen.”

(preparing to kill Derek to restore his humanity)
Guillermo: “I can’t do it.”
Nadjda: (coughing) “Knew it”
Derek: “What’s happening?”
Nandor: “Just keep that hood on Derek. You’re doing greaaaat.”

(after killing Derek)
The Guide: “Can someone help me pick up these hooods and roooobes.”
Colin Robinson: “Just leave them. Garfield will pick them up later.”

(post credits to the necromancer after turning Derek into a zombie)
Guillermo: “Do you take Venmo?”
Necromance: “I take cash. Or gold coins. Or Zelle”

What did I miss?! Let me know in the comments below.

And it was a pleasure to blog this season of WWDITS but I’m a struggling blog and could use your help. Please donate below or through the coffee app.

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