After what seemed like a series finale at the conclusion of season 3, we’ve been “blessed” with season 4 of the Righteous Gemstones.

You know what that means. More of Uncle Baby Billy Freeman.

And as we begin this entry, it’s great watching Walton Goggins finally get his push with Gemstones, The White Lotus, and other non HBO properties.

Let’s get to the best Baby Billy Freeman quotes from season four of the Righteous Gemstones.

Opening musical number:

“Hey everybody! Good God Almighty! It’s my favorite time of the year! The Aimee Leigh Birthday Telethon, y’all! Raising money! Lifting spirits! My cup hath spilleth over now!

After opening number is ruined by jetpacks.

“F*** my handsome white a**” (immediately cuts to theme)

“Y’all better learn them jetpacks. Y’all looking like a bunch of rank amateurs.”

(after dropping his pants and underwear)

“No, ya’ll need to see this. Behold. Look at this. That’s my privates right there. This is what a f****** man looks like. This is how I roll. Balls out and claws out.”

“People need to recognize what side of the bread has got butter on it.” (slaps rear).

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(talking about Eli’s midlife crisis)

“Mid life? That Motherf***** older than me. Midlife… It’s bottom of the ninth, two outs.”

(talking the Gemstones after Lori arrives)

“Don’t be jealous Eli. Because I’m Tyler Perry and you ain’t. You more like Luke Perry. Dead.”

(During the Aimee-Leigh telethon)

“If the line is busy call back. Somebody is going to pick up. It may just be god.”

(Scheming with Jesse, Judy, and Kelvin)

“A devious plot. I like it. You got a duty as sons and daughters, to make sure your daddy stops f****** your dead mama’s best friend.”

(Talking about the babysitter)

“Where the f*** is Sola? What the f*** is she changing for? Ain’t nobody give a f*** what she’s wearing. She’s the nanny. We ain’t paying her to put on fashion shows. We’re paying her to nann.”

(Playing Cornhole)

“Get in that hole you damn corn!”

(Walking up Sola doing her martial arts exercise)

“You out here doing Kung Fu?! Bruce Lee! I could have used your help in side. Aimee Leigh Jr exploded her diaper, and Lionel spilled country gravy all over the pack and play.”

Sola: “You need?

“Yes! I need b***. I need for you to do your f***** job. Now, come over here and gets these kids out of my f***** sight! Go on now!”

(Sola bows)

“Don’t be bowing to me!”

“Damn k****. She got them old world villain vibes. Make me feel like Indiana Jones

(Watching Sola skim the pool with Aunt Tiffany)

“Look at us. A beautiful house. A great relationship. A giant woman that do all the dirty work. And I’ll tell you what. We just getting started. We new money. Now it’s time to build that generational wealth. Close your eyes. Open em. Look at this right here. This is my new project. It’s a young adult show about Jesus being a teen in Nazareth. I call it Teenjus.”

Sola: “I like teen dramas. Pretty Little Liars. Gossip Women. I’d watch Tanjust.”

“Ain’t no Tanjus, Sola. It’s teen Jesus. Teenjus. Over here skimming leaves, eavesdropping. Go inside that house. And watch them sleeping babies.”

(Pitching Teenjus to Jesse, Judy, and Kelvin)

“Ain’t nobody gonna call Jesus, Jeen! Now pull out them pocketbooks and greenlight this.”

“You need to learn about Miss Lori Milsap, you don’t need no AOL or World Wide Web. You need Baby Billy Freeman.

(Directing Teenjus)

“Teenjus! Teenjus! Give me some more smolder now. You hate this Roman soldier. You want to rip his f****** face off. But you can’t because your Teenjus. So just be conflicted now. So just turn around and think to yourself ‘f*** him’. And walk off slowly. Because you don’t want to f*** with a Roman cause they will crucify you. Somebody get that donkey in focus.”

“Now, Teenjus, you damn skipped school. You’re out wondering the desert. And the devil is tempting your a** to turn these stones into bread with your special powers.”

“Why the f*** you mumbling. You Teenjus! (you teenjus Lionel repeats) Now say it with authority now. Come on.”

(after firing the actor that plays Teenjus)

The Devil: “But you’re not really a teen.”

Baby Billy: “And you’re not really the devil. It’s called acting, dear boy.”

(after Aunt Tiffany and Sola arrive late)

“Why don’t you get a swatch or whatever they sell in your Godd*** country. I got too many plates spinning to be watching kids.”

(Asking Jesse and Judy for more money to make “Teenjus”)

“Now, I need some fresh cash for reshoots. I’m thinking two mil.”

Judy: “Two million. Man, Uncle Baby, get the f*** out of here with that s***”

“Now, on top of the two million, I”m also going to need some cocaine.”

Judy: “Cocaine?!
Jesse: “F*** is happening right now?”

“Yes, I got a lot on my plate. I need some gas to keep things cooking now. C’mon now. I ain’t asking for the world here. I’m just asking for an eight ball and $2 million dollars. Why can’t someone in this family think about someone else for once. What would your mamma think?”

Jesse: “About us not getting you cocaine?”

“Don’t you be sassing me boy. You know exactly what I’m talking about.”

This season ain’t over! Check back weekly for new quotes from Baby Billy!.

And if you want The Best of Baby Billy from Season 3 of the Righteous Gemstones, find it HERE!

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