Uncle Baby Billy Freeman is having such a great season 3 on The Righteous Gemstones that I’ve decided to put together a line up of his best quotes from the campaign.
It’s even better if you can hear Walter Goggin’s voice in your head. Enjoy…
“There will come a pay day (hallelujah!) what a pay day. There will come a pay day somedayyyy…(someday)”
“Baby Billy loves you now!”
“Everybody that’s famous knows that true famous people go through different phases on the ‘being famous train'”
Baby Billy “I think we just witness a mission from god”
Tiffany Freeman: “Is that what that was?”
Baby Billy “Its time for Baby Billy to be back on the mother****** TV!”
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Judy: “Uncle Baby Billy isn’t this just exactly the pitch for Family Feud?”
Jesse: “Yeah did you run this past daddy?”
Baby Billy: “Why I got to run this by Eli? Everybody knows y’all runnin’ S***. Unless you ain’t got purchase power. You can’t pull the trigger.”
Jesse: “We got purchase power. We can pull the trigger, homie.”
Baby Billy: “Then I suggest you pull the trigger on this here hit TV series. Go on. Take it off the market.”
Kelvin: “Its just like Family Feuds.”
Baby Billy: “It ain’t no Family Feud. This is Baby Billy’s Bible Bonkers.”
Jesse: “Bible Bonkers?”
Baby Billy: “Baby Billy’s Bible Bonkers. Yeah. Roll that around your mouth. It fun ain’t it?”
(later after finding out about Judy’s affair)
Baby Billy: “Steven? Who the f*** us Steven?”
Judy: “Jesse, you done told two more people”
Baby Billy: “He told three. Lionel is here.” (Lionel flinches)
(After Baby Billy’s Bible Bonkers is rejected)
“Y’all can’t even see solid gold when I’m $***** it out in front of you. Y’all just piss me off. No wonder your numbers are down. You think you can ship me off to paradise? Make me sing by a pool all mother f****** day getting a suntan, drinking pina coladas for free, living in penthouse?! Huh?! I’m an international talent. You haven’t seen the last of me.”
Jesse: “You’re our uncle I assume we’re going to hear from you again.”
Baby Billy: “You damn right you will.”
Jesse” “You left your kid here.”
(At Cousin’s night”)
Baby Billy” “Well, well (Lionel coos) looks like everybody is getting loose. How come you ain’t gonna tell us about cousin’s night?
Jesse: “Cause well, y’all ain’t invited. What the f*** are you doing here?”
Baby Billy: “Lionel is your cousin, dummy” (Lionel coos again). How you not gonna invite your first cousin to cousin’s night?
Judy: “Cousin’s night is about adult cousins, dawg… Ain’t no babies..”
Baby Billy: “Hey. Lionel is your cousin and you will damn well treat him like one and I will not have baby Lionel miss out on proper cousin’s night s*** just cause he’s young. Now we going to do cousin’s night now.”
(Lionel begins eating dirt out of a pot)
Baby Billy: “Welcome to Cousin’s Night! Now, tonight you gonna get a special treat… for cousin’s night because tonight we’re going to do a live test run of Baby Billy’s Bible Bonkers!
Jesse: “No we ain’t. What the f*** is this?”
Judy: “No Baby Billy! We ain’t doing this bonkers bulls***!”
(during the interview portion of Bible Bonkers”
Baby Billy: “Okay. Little weirdo boy with the puppet muscles. Who are you?”
Kelvin: “We’re not doing this.”
Judy: “You’re s*** sucks, Baby Billy!”
(during the first round while Lionel is eating from an ashtray)
Jesse: “These buzzers ain’t even real. This stupid. What the hell are we doing?”
Baby Billy: “Don’t be saying ‘what are we doing”. Just buzz in with your f***** mouth!…I’m sorry, there will be no cussin on this program.”
(Outside of the Cape and Pistol secret society)
Jesse: “This is a secret society. You just can’t roll on in.”
Baby Billy: “It ain’t too secret if I heard about it. Look here now. If you won’t make Bible Bonkers then maybe one of these other influential Christians will.”
Jesse: “None of the men of Cape and Pistol are going to give a f*** about Bible Bonkers. Okay?”
Baby Billy: “Boy..I watched you become a man. But don’t think I wont bend you over my knee and turn and turn that fat *** red now.”
Baby Billy: “Go on back inside your little Mickey Mouse club then. Damn Harry Potter wannabes.”
Baby Billy: “Ain’t no kinda about it, Jesse. Now you wanna capture the magic, you need your momma. And I can give her to you now”
Jesse: “What are you going to do? Dress up like her?”
Baby Billy: “Ain’t nobody going to put on no female clothes. I’m talking about resurrection.”
Baby Billy: “You ready for a miracle?”
(Lionel drinks from Billy’s pina colada”
(Uncle Baby Billy and Jesse examining the Aimee Lee hologram)
Baby Billy: “I commissioned a man out of Brussels. He’s also done a DMX and a Fred Astaire dancing with a vacuum cleaner”.
Jesse: “With Judy pulling her bulls***, now is the time to show daddy who’s really putting in that real work.
Baby Billy: “Well f***Judy and her troubles. Now, she don’t get her a** in line, we’ll make a hologram out of her too now.”
Baby Billy: “This IS the answer”
Jesse: “I mean, this thing cost a s*** ton of money. You ain’t really GIVING me anything.”
Baby Billy: “How about I throw in my mentorship for free?”
Jesse: “I think I’m good, I don’t need no mentor.”
Baby Billy: “Everybody needs a mentor.”
Jesse (interrupting): “I don’t”
Baby Billy: “Especially you. You more than anybody I know.”
Baby Billy: “You need to calm the f*** down. That’s my first piece of mentor advice to you.”
Baby Billy: “Well, you change your mind. I’ll unplug your mamma and sell her to one of those sex shows in Bangkok. Them boys will hack a program real quick. Make your mamma do all kinds of nasty stuff.”
(During hostage negotiations. Baby Billy walks in with Tiffany and ghostrides Lionel’s stroller into the walkway)
Baby Billy: “Stop crying Lionel. Ain’t nobody going to ransom you!
(Leading the siblings into a flashback)
Baby Billy: “Now, all three of y’all about to look like a bunch of smiling d**** heads with the news I got.”
Jesse: “Well, what you got Baby Billy”
Baby Billy: “I”m friends with Dusty Daniels. The slick bandit himself!. I partied with his a** over there in Monaco after my second bankruptcy. That Y2K s*** didn’t happen. So we partied our d*** off that night. Me and Dusty Daniels and Gene Hackman lost our f***** minds!
Jesse: “The actor? Gene Hackman?”
Baby Billy: “Well it was either him or some unfortunate guy who looked just like him.”
Jesse: “Wait. Did you f*** Dusty Daniels?”
Baby Billy: “I doubt it… But you never know. Y2K…we threw caution to the wind, boys.”
Judy: “So y’all for sure touched d****s”
Baby Billy: “..We might have touched d***, look, that ain’t the important part of the story. Now, I put in a good word for y’all with Dusty. He says he’s getting tired of the Simkins crew. Says they always whining about their dead parents.”
Baby Billy: “You want Dusty back. Greenlight my f***** show. (shoots finger guns) woo weee, sucka”
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(Before the beginning of “Bible Bonkers”)
Uncle Baby Billy: “I came to say thank you. Having my own game show has always been a dream of mine and y’all made that dream cone true, now.
Jesse: “You’ve always dreamt of being a game show host?”
Baby Billy: “You godddamn right, Jesse.
Baby Billy: “Now, I know you see me as a mentor figure. It’s no mystery that y’all are basically orphans. I mean, your mamma’s dead. Your daddy’s out to lunch. But who stepped up? Me. I had to step up and I had to guide you. And counsel you. And hold you. Well, I feel like I’m your daddy.”
Baby Billy: “I’m proud of you. Now go cheat.”
(Bible Bonkers intro song)
(“Lets gooo”) “Biiiiiible Bonkers. Buzzing in, in the name of the Lord. Biiiiible Bonkers. Where Jesus has the highest score. From Abraham and Sara, to Adam and Eve, A little burning bush to an olive tree, let’s go biiiible bonkers (it’s time to play) God’s favorite game (Biiiible Bonkers, Biiiiible Bonkers) God’s favorite game!”
PLUS!: How will the show top that perfect season 3 finale? HERE
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