The Real Love Boat: “Don’t you wish you were having fun right now?”

We’re back with the most underrated dating show on television, as The Real Love Boat docked in Santorini for another hour of high drama. We got to experience the best part of the show early, and that’s Jerry and Rebecca time, as they divided the new four singles from last week and the existing couples.

Once again Bri went after Daniel, endangering another OG couple. Shea wasn’t worried however. The unrealistically attractive, Suzanna picked Dustin. Dillon would end up picking his other half, Sydney though. Leaving Mike to pick Emily, and setting up her first date with someone besides Marty. Emily said she felt uneasy about it. Much more on this later.

Dillon and Sydney went on a photoshoot date. Bri and Daniel went on a rock climbing date. Dustin and Suzanna went on a poolside villa outing. And Mike and Emily went horseback riding.

The scene back on the boat was a little weird with Marty left wondering if he was going to lose his girlfriend.

On the island Dillon and Sydney kissed during their photoshoot. Producers flashed back during Bri and Daniel’s date to remind us that Shea can’t cook but that was quickly forgotten when we saw an embrace where Daniel had an erection that was poking Bri.

It reminded me of that “Too Close” song in the club back in the 90s. But I digress.

Dustin and Suzanna sputtered during their pool side conversation with the former becoming speechless at times. I honestly can’t blame him. We then realized both of their favorite animals were penguins. That was it. That was the zenith of their romance.

Then we saw Mike and Emily having fun riding horses on the beach. Back at the boat we heard Marty sort of ramble. And the rambling was warranted, this dude had Emily jumping in the water in her clothes. During the post date huddles it was both Marty and Emily who were conflicted over their feelings.

Next, Matt invited all of our guests to the club. A 70s club. And kudos to producers for this one. It looked good and was fun to watch. I could have watched a whole hour of this.

Emily and Marty wasted no time talking about Mike. And Marty got hurt and things went south quickly. Ezra tried to talk him down but it didn’t help very much. Shea and Daniel also got to talking where things went a little better. She was happy for Daniel and brought up a very good point.

What happens if Bri picks Daniel first?

Suzanna thought about kicking the tires on Marty but his vibe was throwing her off too, as things only got worse with him and Emily. Especially after her and Mike started talking again. Our Marty-meltdown continued as himself and Emily got in a full blow argument and it sounded like a break up. Marty looked like a Miami Vice villain berating poor Emily from Wisconsin.

This was great *bleeping* reality TV. The optics of this entire sequence was a lot of fun.

The best episode of the season. It’s a crime CBS didn’t allow this to catch on.

Our teaser shows us that with only 3 ports left, the next sail away ceremony will allow one of the four new singles to choose someone from the existing couples and if they’re rejected, they’re eliminated. Great twist.

Can’t wait until next week.

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