June 23, 2024

What We Do In The Shadows: The Best Quotes from Laszlo Cravensworth

As What We Do In The Shadows prepares for its final season, we’ll going to take a look back at one of its most quotable characters, Laszlo Cravensworth, played by Matt Berry with one of the best deliveries of the show’s wild dialog that you can imagine.

Let’s not waste anymore time..

“I was Jack the Ripper”

“She speaks… The bull*hit.”

“She drained me of my blood, giving me the curse of eternal life. Thus making me a blood thirsty, creature of the night.

“I became a vampire to suck blood and *uck forever.”

(during a confessional)

Nadja: *cough* *cough* “Told you so”

Lazslo: *cough *cough* “You *ucking didn’t”…

“It Gizmo. He’s been causing havok in the house. Hold.”

“Hes my best friend. He’s my pal. He’s my homeboy. My rotten soldier. He’s my sweet cheese. My good time boy. ”


“Everyone *ucks and sucks. Thousands of chaps and chapesses.”

“If I remember correctly. Someone had walked into the john and left a huge floater”

(As Jackie Daytona. Human bartender)

“The previous owner. He mysteriously disappeared because I killed him.”

“This is the way we talk in Tuson, Arizonia”

Buy a Jackie Daytona shirt on Amazon HERE

(To Simon the Devious)

“I said, I’m sorreeeee”

“You really are, the most devious bastard in New York City”

(Wearing the cursed hat)

“You took it by force. From me. In New York Cityeeeee”

“I was doing, the bloody disco 100 years before any other *ucker”

“She tricked me with her witchcrafffft”

“I say, Mr. Sinatra. Last time I looked. You weren’t Chinese.”

“Gizmo, shut the *uck up! We’re doing a piece to cam-ma-raaaa”

“Trust me. Gay is in. Gay is hot. I want some gay. Gay it’s gonna be.”

“Nandor. I’ve been double crossed by the De-vil.”

The Baron: “You know what I’ve always wanted to try?’

Laszlo: “Coprophilia?”

The Baron: “No. Pizza Pieeeeee. Is it as wonderful as they say… Coprphilia?”

Buy a Laszlo Cravensworth Funko Pop on Amazon HERE


(In court)

Laszlow: “May I approach the *itch?

Judge: “What did you say?”

Laszlow: “May I approach the bench.”

Judge: “Ah”

Laszlow: “What did you think I said?

(To young Colin Robinson)

“Rumpelstilskin? More like Rumple *ick skin. You know that’s how he got his name? This chap. It doesn’t say that in the book”

Young Colin “What is *ick skin?”

“That’s a bloody good question”

(Walking through the mall)

“That’s a baby village. Makes sense to keep them all in one place. That’s called London Shoes. Now if those shoes really were from London, they’d be covered in *hit. Bikini Warehouse. Must be a front for a brothel.

Perfume lady: “Excuse me. Would you like to sample..”

“No. *uck off. Can’t be sidetracked with cheap sex potions.”

What did I forget? Please let me know in the comments.

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