My mood on this Thursday night is fear. Much like it was last night. And the several nights before. Just wall to wall anxiety these days.
The feeling is so strong, that my definition of what could make me happy has shrunk. My once grand dream of being a prosperous, self sustaining blogger, with a lovely home in the community I grew up in has vanished. For a couple of years there, I thought I was going to make it, but it fell apart.
Now, I just want a small space that is safe. I want a job that is above all else, just busy and reliable.
I just want peace.
That’s what the struggle of the Orlando housing crisis does. It grinds you into submission. It destroys families. It ruins lives.
And it kills dreams.
Sadly the last time I was struggling this bad, I had a similar feeling. And even when I was safely housed, it took months until I felt normal again. I settled for safe and it worked about for a couple of years away from home.
But the desire to come home and help others put me in this decision again.
What scares me this time is that so many things are out of my control. I wish I could find my safe space, get three jobs, and earn my way back to sustainability.
But the struggle for homeless veterans in Orlando drags us back at some points. We’re waiting on an overwhelmed VA for the benefits we earned. And we’re at the mercy of crowded facilities where many others are trying to climb out of the same pit you are with these limited resources. Everyone is fighting for their lives.
Nothing is guaranteed. And no guarantees when your future is on the line is scary.
I just miss the Army. I’ll talk to you again soon.
Friends. Times are bad. If you want to help out below you can. But the challenge is bigger than I am. If you have any questions, email me at Torres.fjr@gmail.com
Next: How an unfinished college experience is a lost time for struggling veterans
2 Comments