Uncle Baby Billy Freeman is having such a great season 3 on The Righteous Gemstones that I’ve decided to put together a line up of his best quotes from the campaign.

Enjoy…

“There will come a pay day (hallelujah!) what a pay day. There will come a pay day somedayyyy…(someday)”

“Baby Billy loves you now!”

“Everybody that’s famous knows that true famous people go through different phases on the ‘being famous train’”

Baby Billy “I think we just witness a mission from god”
Tiffany Freeman: “Is that what that was?”
Baby Billy “Its time for Baby Billy to be back on the mother****** TV!”

Judy: “Uncle Baby Billy isn’t this just exactly the pitch for Family Feud?”
Jesse: “Yeah did you run this past daddy?”
Baby Billy: “Why I got to run this by Eli? Everybody knows y’all runnin’ S***. Unless you ain’t got purchase power. You can’t pull the trigger.”
Jesse: “We got purchase power. We can pull the trigger, homie.”
Baby Billy: “Then I suggest you pull the trigger on this here hit TV series. Go on. Take it off the market.”
Kelvin: “Its just like Family Feuds.”
Baby Billy: “It ain’t no Family Feud. This is Baby Billy’s Bible Bonkers.”
Jesse: “Bible Bonkers?”
Baby Billy: “Baby Billy’s Bible Bonkers. Yeah. Roll that around your mouth. It fun ain’t it.”
(later)
Baby Billy: “Steven? Who the f*** us Steven?”
Judy: “Jesse, you done told two more people”
Baby Billy: “Be told three. Lionel is here.” (Lionel flinches)

(After Baby Billy’s Bible Bonkers is rejected)
“Y’all can’t even see solid gold when I’m $***** it out in front of you. Y’all just piss me off. No wonder your numbers are down. You think you can ship me off to paradise? Make me sing by a pool all mother f****** day getting a suntan, drinking pina coladas for free, living in penthouse?! Huh?! I’m an international talent. You haven’t seen the last of me.”

Jesse: “You’re our uncle I assume we’re going to hear from you again.”
Baby Billy: “You damn right you will.”
Jesse” “You left your kid here.”

(At Cousin’s night”)

Baby Billy” “Well, well (Lionel coos) looks like everybody is getting loose. How come you ain’t gonna tell us about cousin’s night?
Jesse: “Cause well, y’all ain’t invited. What the f*** are you doing here?”
Baby Billy: “Lionel is your cousin, dummy” (Lionel coos again). How you not gonna invite your first cousin to cousin’s night?
Judy: “Cousin’s night is about adult cousins, dog… Ain’t no babies..”
Baby Billy: “Hey. Lionel is your cousin and you will damn will treat him like one and I will not have baby Lionel miss out on proper cousin’s night s*** just cause he’s young. Now we going to do cousin’s night now.”
(Lionel begins eating dirt out of a pot)

Baby Billy: “Welcome to Cousin’s Night! Now, tonight you gonna get a special treat… for cousin’s night because tonight we’re going to do a live test run of Baby Billy’s Bible Bonkers!
Jesse: “No we ain’t. What the f*** is this?”
Judy: “No Baby Billy! We ain’t doing this bonkers bulls***!”

(during the interview portion of Bible Bonkers”

Baby Billy: “Okay. Little weirdo boy with the puppet muscles. Who are you?”
Kelvin: “We’re not doing this.”
Judy: “You’re s*** sucks, Baby Billy!”

(during the first round while Lionel is eating from an ashtray)

Jesse: “These buzzers ain’t even real. This stupid. What the hell are we doing?”
Baby Billy: “Don’t be saying ‘what are we doing”. Just buzz in with your f***** mouth!…I’m sorry, there will be no cussin on this program.”

(Outside of the Cape and Pistol secret society)

Jesse: “This is a secret society. You just can’t roll on in.”
Baby Billy: “It ain’t too secret if I heard about it. Look here now. If you won’t make Bible Bonkers then maybe one of these other influential Christians will.”
Jesse: “None of the men of Cape and Pistol are going to give a f*** about Bible Bonkers. Okay?”
Baby Billy: “Boy..I watched you become a man. But don’t think I wont bend you over my knee and turn and turn that fat *** red now.”

(Later)

Baby Billy: “Go on back inside your little Mickey Mouse club then. Damn Harry Potter wannabes.”

Baby Billy: “Ain’t no kinda about it, Jesse. Now you wanna capture the magic, you need your momma. And I can give her to you now”
Jesse: “What are you going to do? Dress up like her?”
Baby Billy: “Ain’t nobody going to put on no female clothes. I’m talking about resurrection.”

Baby Billy: “You ready for a miracle?”
(Lionel drinks from Billy’s pina colada”

(check back for updates!)

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