“Cousin Richie”, is one of the most relatable characters on “The Bear”. A 45 year old cook who is just trying to find peace and his identity in the wild world of the culinary industry. We like him because he’s hurt and most definitely flawed. But he’s still trying.

Here are some of his best lines from “The Bear”

“I’m not like this because I’m in Van Halen. I’m in Van Halen because I’m like this.”

(To Carmy)

“I got all kinds of receipts from my divorce lawyer backing up cause all of the time I spent trying to put your family back together cause you’re too much of a c**k sucker to come home.”

“One plus one equals you’re an a**hole Bobby Flay.”

“Don’t talk to me about Labor, Norma” (Rae)

“Well, go f**k your French Laundry”

(Before the ball breakers tournament holding a gun in front of a raucous crowd)

“Merry Christmas, lizards. Sounds like we got a real problem here. Any you incel, Qanon, 4Chan, Snyder-cut motherfuckers wanna get outta line now? So we’re going to have a little tournament here today. We are going to be on our best behavior. We’re not going to scare any of the regulars. We’re not going to touch them. We’re not going to look at them all weird. We’re not going to do any spectral s**t. Yes? Good. You’re going to purchase on Italian Beef combo to enter. Now, this is a single elimination tournament. So you lose, you get the f**k out. You win… Free Italian ice for a year. Also, I hate litter. So you c**ks are going to clean up after yourself and you’re going to recycle. F**k you.”

(About babying Carmy)

“I was a baby once too, Sydney. No one gave a f**k,”

(Trying to avoid a bad grade on a health inspection)

“I can caulk! Give me some f****g caulk!”

(About his relationship with Michael)

Sydney: “Were you related on his mother’s side? Or…”
Richie: “Neither. He was my best friend.”

(About his daughter)

“She’s five. Like Carmy. Food and Wine’s Best new d**k head.”

(On the phone)
“I love you. And Eva, I love Taylor Swift too, I just needed a break, you know?”

(A hot dog in a beef t-shirt)

“It’s a f*****g hot dog in a beef t-shirt. That s**t is hilarious.”

(After a scuffle deflates the hot dog)

“I’m going to get the f*****g spare from the basement.”

Richie: “What kind of a**hole is going to put ketchup on a hotdog”

Carmy: “A child, Richie”

Richie: “A child a**hole”

(To Uncle Cicero)

“We don’t even know how she fell down those stairs.”

“I’m 312, dog.”

(Interviewing Fak)

“F*** your vibe”

“I run a timely ship and I get back to my assistants and cohorts in a timely fashion.”

“Do you have any special skills or abilities, aside from being a f***** stroke?”

(Smoking with Carmy behind The Beef)

Carmy: “Is there a name for when you’re afraid of something good happening because something bad might happen?”

Richie: “I don’t know…Life?”

Richie: “The other day my kid asked me if my name was ‘bad news’
Carmy: “Like Bad News Bears?”
Richie: “I guess I’m in her mom’s phone as “Richie Bad News”

(Fighting with Sydney)

“You’re a loser. You’re a conceited and condescending ribbon of brine.”

Richie: “I got stabbed. F****g Ebrahm. I got stabbed.”
Carmy: “Probably f*****g deserved it.”
Richie: “Mm…Maybe.”

(In the basement with Carmy)

“What’s my purpose, homie?”

(Alarms going off)

Richie: “I’m on it Uncle J. How did I know that the crawlspace had an alarm in in it. Mikey is f*****g Kevin McCaliper.”

Natalie, Sydney, Carmy (together): “McCalister.”

Richie: (On the phone) “Uh, yes. The password is gofastboats and then mojito, all one word.”

(Arguing with Fak)

Richie: “There is one way. The f****g right way.”
Neil: “Watch this. Nat!”
Richie: “Did you just f*****g call mom?”

Richie: “Nat, I’m trying to head up this operation. I’m trying to assert myself. Okay? I don’t know what they teach you about leadership at the bank, but in this kind of situation what you need is an alpha and that is not Fak. They can smell his pheromones. They are weak as s**t. That’s just chemistry.”

(About Claire at the “Fishes” party)

“This is a once in a lifetime opportunity for you to score with a woman that’s stacked physically and mentally.”

(Talking to Uncle Jimmy about a job)

“I’m about to have this kid. I don’t wanna be wrapping up sandwiches for the rest of my life. You know, I don’t wanna be coming home with my hands covered in grease trying to change diapers and stuff. I don’t want to be at The Beef everyday. I feel like I’m wasting potential.

(Inspecting for mold)

“Relax. These ceilings are styrophone. If they had mold, they would collapse when I do this.” (Richie taps ceiling and it collapses)

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(With Garrett)

“You want me to fork, I’ll fork.”

“I can do respect”

(After he wears suits)

“I wear suits now”

“Feels kind of like armor”

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(Listening to Chef Jess talk about customer research)

“Yeah, wiretap those mother f******s”

(Prepping the deep dish for a surprise)

“Pick up for Richard”

“Micro basil, F**k yes.”

“Mangia, baby.”

(Finding his passion)

“Hadoken!!!” (This is actually sound from the game Street Fighter, when the main protagonist, Ryu, shoots a fireball)

(After a failed Francie Fak invite)

“No Gavones at Friends and Family!”

(After interviewing an applicant)

“We can’t hire her because every napkin on this table is folded in alignment with the salad fork except for hers. She just sat there. We’re here for 20 minutes. She’s there looking at that knowing that napkin is facing the wrong direction. Sugar, you want stars. That ain’t a star catcher.

(Pep talk to staff)

“Anticipation creates luxuriation. Yeah? F****n Abra f****n cadabra.”

(Fak is front of house now)

“Yeah, f**k screwdrivers.”

“I can’t do this. But. New world order, pal.”

(To Carmy)

“I don’t understand why you just can’t let something good happen to you for once in your f****** life.”

(Arguing with Carmy with Sydney refereering)

“Those flowers were elegant as s***”

“Sorry Syd. Sorry, just textbook sublimation. You seen it once, you’ve seen it a thousand times”

Richie: (pointing to list of non negotiables) “What’s this a**?”

Richie: “Mmmhmm, You know I gotta say that some of these suggestions, I would have suggested. But when it does come to something like vibrant collaboration, I mean that can get f****. Right?”

Richie: “I insist that you get f**** my good man.”

(To customers)

Richie: “We’ve prepared a beautiful menu for you tonight but just in case, are there any allergies or dietary restrictions, or things you really don’t feel like eating.”

(Arguing with Carmy)

“I’m getting f*****. You’re f***** me.”

(Delivering his own non negotiables)

“I’m getting drilled out there. I’m writing some f***** non negotiables.”

“Joy. Just in general. These are very deliverable. These are very easy. Open heart, open mind. Basic decency. An environment that embraces and encourages razzle dazzle and the dream weave. Very defensive. I see you. I see you. F****** b****.”

(Delivering a birthday dinosaur while Carmy protests)

“Yes, f***** surprise! Get the f*** out of the dream weave, Carmen!”

(Defending Fak after the broth incident)

“Keep my man out of your mouth. You’re not fully integrated. Don’t talk to me until you’re fully integrated jack*ff.”

(About restaurant stars)

“Speaking for myself, I do not give a flying f**k into a rolling doughnut about the gastronomical proclivities of some dusty French tire marketing exec. I mean. I’m a Pirelli guy. I have been from way back. I would say that Goodyear is a more practical choice for Chicago winters, but f*****n Michelin mangia gazza”

(Getting ready for newspaper photos and cleaning the restaurant)

“Buff fast. Stop thinking about p***y. Do not f**k with me on this.”

“So you have read the review? Don’t f**k me.”

(Voicemail)

“‘Yo’ -is no available-”

(About the review)

“This is what I want to say. I read that article very carefully. Uh, I admit that initially I bristled and dismissed it as the musings of some millenial j****ff (looks at Sydney) no offense. But upon reflection, and further reading, and a cigarette, I realized that there was a lot of truth in that article. Some bull s**t but also a lot of truth. I’ve been doing a lot of work on myself. I don’t think that’s a secret and um it made me realize that I’m dropping the ball. Alright? No excuse. That man came in here three times and I should have known it. Not because he’s a critic. But because he’s a repeat guest. There is no excuse for that and I’m very sorry.”

(Pep talk to staff)

“So in summation….I don’t know. Just crush the ever living s**t out of this mother f******r”

(Arguing about Tiffany’s wedding)

“You know, Frank actually has a nice refrigerator. Maybe you can go and lock yourself in it.”

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