Sunday Reflections: The pain of realizing your going to lose everything

When you’re looking at your finances and you realize that you’re going to lose everything, there is a physical pain you feel. I imagine its what it would feel like if someone took a frozen piece of ice and stabbed you in the chest with it.

I’ve felt it twice in the last three years. The pain tries to force you to breakdown and sometimes it succeeds. It wakes you up in the middle of the night with the same kind of terror you would experience if there was an intruder in your house. You may find yourself enjoying an article or laughing at a joke but poverty comes in with a fire extiguisher and eliminates all of it instantly.

Then you find yourself doing something that I would wish on no one. You have to start planning where your meals are going to come from. You have to map out where you’ll be sleeping when the sun goes down each night.

And you’ll have to figure out how to be safe. These are the angles you don’t see on the news. It’s dangerous to be without a home in Orlando.

Then you pack up and leave your home with everything you can carry. You’ll jump on the bus and you just close your eyes. You pray for help to come from anywhere. And you pray for clarity. You start running back your decisions and wondering what you would have done differently.

The worst is when you realize that you never had the capacity to succeed to begin with. This was always going to be the end of the road. You just weren’t smart enough to see it….

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NEXT: Read my Saturday reflections HERE

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